It’s done…

Today was one of the more exhausting days of my life. Today was the day my dad had surgery to remove a brain tumor. We went to the hospital this morning at 7 am. It wasn’t until 7:45 that he was taken to pre-op. After that we were allowed to go see him and he wasn’t taken into surgery until 9:45. For a hospital surgery, that was doing really good as far as “on time.” The surgeon and the nurses assured us that the surgery would be about 3-4 hours in duration. My brother, Chris, came down from Farmington and was there all day. It was very comforting to have him there. He isn’t really a man of many words, but he was there and if I needed to go for a walk he was right there with me. He lost his dad several years ago, so I was able to talk to him about my fears and frustrations. Around lunch time, I went with Chris to get some lunch at Juan’s restaurant, Dos Hermanos. He paid for our lunches. It was such a small thing, but it was helpful all the same. Juan has always been there for me, and I for him. About the 5 hour mark we saw Tim who is the husband of one of the oncologists that followed up with me at the hospital here when I was fresh from my illness. He recognized us and came right over and said hello. He had apparently seen my dad’s name and recognized it. He had peeked in the OR and seen what was going on. He told us that everything was going good and that usually when doctors gave an expected time duration, it was their time. So the setup time for this type of surgery wasn’t included. That helped some, but as the time continued to pass it became less of a comfort. Tim came out several more times with updates for us and finally that they were closing. By this time it had been 7 hours since the surgery started. Tim’s final visit was just to chat with my mom and tell us that he was done for the day in case we needed anything before he left. He was our life-line to my dad during the surgery. Someone that was actually involved in the surgery should have been coming out to update us, but since they didn’t I am so glad that Tim was willing to do it.

My dad is now in the ICU for the night. It was so hard going in to see him. He looked so different than the image I have in my mind of my dad. He was pale was drugged up and had a bandage on his head. It was hard to watch him lay there so helpless. I have come to terms with my own mortality, but I had not realized my parents were also afflicted with being mortal. It opened my eyes a new to my family, my friends, the people around me that I see every day. I also have a new found respect and admiration for my family. Being on the other side of a serious illness is not an enviable position. I didn’t know I had it in me.

I am so thankful for all the prayers and text messages and phone calls that I received today. Thank you all.

God spoke to me through the radio

Last night as I drove home from Josh’s house, a song came on the radio. It was “Little wonders” by Rob Thomas. Now, I have heard this song countless times before as I am sure all of you have too but this time it struck me. I tried to change channels, with XM there are over 100 to choose from, but wouldn’t you know it the same song was playing on the channel I switched to. This doesn’t happen a lot, as in only once before that I have witnessed, so I figured I would listen to the song. As I listened to the lyrics, it hit me like a ton of proverbial bricks (the ones that weigh twice as much as literal bricks). He was telling me that the hard part was over, deciding to give up control and put my life, and the life of my dad in His hands. Weird huh? Here’s the video…

Getting ready

Well I have been getting ready mentally, spiritually and physically for Thursday. I now know that the surgery will be at 9am instead of the 11am that it was originally. I know I will be there through it all. Other than those 2 things I have no idea what is going to happen. I have been steady in my level of stress for a few days now. I am taking that as a good sign that I am not getting worse. I had a talk with a really good friend last week about what is going on in my life. He told me that it sounded like I was going through my first real test in my new faith. He suggested reading the story of Abraham and his first trial. I also got a tidbit of wisdom from another friend when he pointed me to Phi 4:6 which I have tried to do every time I start to worry. I will post news as it comes.

Beaten

This week has been really hard. I have been feeling a growing dread and uneasiness as I approach my dad’s surgery. I don’t know why I am so scared, but I am terrified. Then with my friend passing this week as well, I feel that I am really close to being beaten. I have only felt this way once before, then day I found out I relapsed. I have tried to talk to some friends, but they have their own lives, their own busy schedules.

Cancer claims another

I heard this evening that cancer has claimed another person in my life. I have attended a week long camp for cancer patients and survivors in New Mexico ever since I was diagnosed in 1992. My first year attending my parents dropped me off in Alamagordo, NM. We were a little early for camp to start and one of the administrators, Adrian, came out and sat with me and my family. He was able to answer questions, and reassure both myself and my parents. After all we had been through in the previous months, it was hard coming to grips with being away from my family, and them being away from me, for a whole week. I had been to summer camps before, but this was different. Adrian was a bear of a man. But he had a heart just as big. He did so much for the camp as I came to realize the more involved I became in camp. One year he took myself and a couple other campers to Taco Bell because we had won the cleanest bunk award for the week. The first year I was a counselor in training, he took me and Moira out to look at a campsite that we were going to be using for a camp fire. It was not what any of us expected. So we went back and brainstormed what we could do instead. Moira and I came up with this crazy idea of a camp-fire-less camp fire. Adrian was behind it and asked us what we needed and got it for us.

Adrian died of melanoma that he had been fighting for about 4 years. He thought he was in the clear, but unfortunately it came back with a vengeance. He was a great man that did so much for his community and the children he interacted with at Camp Enchantment. I will miss him dearly, as he was instrumental in the continued success of camp.

Is there no hope? Is this all there is to life; losing the people you care about, losing the people who inspired you?

Beowulf

I went to go see Beowulf last night with a friend. It was very interesting. I am not sure if I liked it or not. It was computer animated, and not really well done in my opinion. There were several things that made the animation look more like a cartoon than a serious movie. For instance, the horses were a joke; when they galloped it looked wrong, like their stride was only a foot long. Also, I don’t really think that they stuck with the original story, but I could be wrong about that as it has been years and years since I read the original. It would be interesting to read the original again and see how badly they butchered the story. I am surprised that I didn’t enjoy the movie more. Rottentomatoes.com usually aligns very well with my tastes, but they rated Beowulf here, and it didn’t rate as rotten!

Funny just cause it’s true…

I saw this on my computer from who knows when, but it still applies…

Today’s reading is from the Book of Corporate Life, Chapter 1 , Verses 1-15:
1. In the beginning there was the Plan.
2. And then came the Assumptions.
3. And the Assumptions were without form.
4. And the Plan was without Substance.
5. And darkness was upon the face of the Workers.
6. And the Workers spoke among themselves saying, “It is a crock of shit and it stinks.”
7. And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, “It is a crock of dung and we cannot live with the smell.”
8. And the Supervisors went unto their Managers saying, “It is a container of organic waste, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it.”
9. And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying, “It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength.”
10. And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying to one another, “It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong.”
11. And the directors went to the Vice Presidents, saying unto them, “It promotes growth, and it is very powerful.”
12. And the Vice Presidents went to the President, saying unto him, “It has very powerful effects.”
13. And the President looked upon the Plan and saw that it was good.
14. And the Plan became Policy.
15. And that is how shit happens

PC vs. Mac, the epic struggle…

Working in the computer industry opens me up to be the technical support person to my friends and family. While I usually do not mind this, as it usually involves a free meal or free beer, sometimes it can get a little frustrating.

The other day someone was asking me a question on how to do something on the computer. It involved something that I have no experience in. Because this was a dear friend of mine, I did try to figure it out, but in the end I just couldn’t. I don’t think that my friend was upset, as he shouldn’t be, but it made me start thinking. I know a lot about computers, but I don’t know everything. I don’t know all the software, I don’t know all the Windows shortcut keys, I don’t know how to do everything on the computer. Now another person I know keeps asking me Mac questions. While I can answer questions about some things, just cause they are the same no matter what computer you’re on, others I cannot. I do not know Macs, I have no desire to learn Macs, there is no reason to learn Macs.

I know that some people are PC lovers, or PC haters, or both depending on what day it is. I believe that both PCs and Macs have their uses. For me, PCs are better. I am the kind of guy that builds his own computers, who reloads the OS every once in a while, who dual-boots Winblows and Linux. I have been a PC guy all my life and am not going to change. Why do people assume just cause you work in the computer industry you know everything?

Rough week

I have had the roughest week in my recent memory this past week. It all started Sunday night when I started feeling a bit queasy. I should have known then that I was in for a wild ride. About 10 pm on Sunday it all started. I ended up getting very ill. I was up every hour; I say up but I really wasn’t “down” because I could never fall asleep. It continued like that until about 8 am on Monday morning. I was still really sick all day Monday. Fortunately I have a really good set of friends in Josh and Katie. They called me up and went to the store for me since I was in no condition or mood to go. They also called to check up on the sicko. Tuesday was mildly better, and Wednesday was the catch-up-on-sleep day. Yesterday I worked from home and was glad I did it. Today I am in the office. Whee!

Another year down

Well another year has past. It was a pretty uneventful new years celebration for me, but I am pretty used to those. I started at my friend Carrie’s, but I got a call from good ‘ol Josh that they were coming home and needed some help. So I left Carrie’s and went to their house and helped them get situated again. Then Josh and I got to talking and we popped in a movie and before I knew it, it was 2008 by 2 hours. As I look back on 2007, I have no idea how I got to where I am from where I started. So many things have happened that it hardly seems like only a single year, 12 months, 365.25 days have gone by. Here is a small list (no it is not complete, there are a few bathroom breaks in there somewhere.)

• I started calling Beginnings my home
• Found a new friend in Josh
• Lost a good friend Moira to cancer
•  Was baptized a Christian
• Found out my dad has a brain tumor
• Became part of the leadership at Beginnings
• Was called “Uncle Scott” for the first time

All in all 2007 was a good year. I am not quite sure what 2008 has in store for me, but it should be interesting.